


A Conversation about the Past

by Raksash



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky and Steve talking, Goodbyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 19:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raksash/pseuds/Raksash
Summary: It's fairly obvious that Bucky knew what Steve was going to do. This is one version of the conversation they might have had about it.





	A Conversation about the Past

“You’re not coming back, are you?”

Steve glanced over his shoulder and smiled at the man standing in the shed’s doorway. Outside, Bruce and Hank Pym were assembling the quantum tunnel that would send him back into the past. It wasn’t going to be as big as the one Thanos had destroyed, but it would still take time to build. Steve had left them to it, retreating to Tony’s tool shed.

Predictably, apparently. Bucky certainly didn’t seem surprised to find him here. And his question wasn’t really a question, either.

“No,” Steve admitted. “I’m not.”

Bucky nodded. He stepped inside, closed the door, and turned on the light. The “shed” was the size of a small garage, and Tony had outfitted it with enough lights to do micro-assembly. The bright light threw his friend’s face into high relief. “How long have you been planning this?”

“I thought of it as soon as we realized time travel was real,” Steve said. “But I didn’t make a decision until I saw Peggy in the bunker.”

“Going back for that dance?” Bucky asked, his voice quiet.

“Yeah.” Steve glanced around, spotted a chair, and hooked it over with a toe. Sitting, he leaned forward and rubbed his face with his hands. “I’m tired, Buck. I’m so tired.” He looked up at his best friend. “I joined up because it was the right thing to do. The Nazis had to be stopped. People were dying, and I had no right to sit at home. But all I wanted was to do my part, come home, and find a woman to dance with. Maybe become an artist. Not… this.”

Bucky pulled another chair across from Steve and sat down. He didn’t say anything. He just waited.

“I spent five years telling other people to move on,” Steve said quietly. “I’ve been telling myself the same thing ever since I came out of the ice. I tried. I tried with Sharon. I joined SHIELD to have something familiar. I tried to do what was right, fight to make the world a better place. To keep charging into danger in the hope that it would fill that tear in my heart. It didn’t work.

“I’m a man out of time, Buck. And while I’ll miss the friends I’ve made, the conveniences, the good food, I just want to go home.”

The quiet anguish in Steve’s voice tugged at Bucky’s heart. He couldn’t remember the last time Steve had opened up like this. Even at his mother’s funeral he had kept his emotions bottled up.

That emotional handicapping was one thing he did not miss about the 40’s.

“What if you have your dance and it’s just a dance?” he asked.

Steve swiped at a tear leaking down his cheek. “I thought about that. I’m hanging onto her, she’s hanging onto me. But neither of us know whether we would like it if we caught each other.”

“But you have hope.”

“Buck, she had my picture on her desk in the seventies.” The tears kept coming, but he smiled as well. “And when I would visit her in the hospital, she never told me her husband’s name.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “A small thing to pin your hopes on.”

“Maybe,” Steve admitted. “Or maybe there’s more to those stable time loops Rhodey and Scott were going on about. I looked up Peggy’s file years ago. I wanted… I wanted to know if she was happy. And it seemed she was. Married, several kids, Director of SHIELD.

“But funny thing. There was lots of information on her children, but almost nothing on her husband. He fought in Europe. He’s referred to as ‘he’ several times. Other than that, nothing.”

His friend shook his head, not certain whether he was more bemused or impressed. “I’ve slid down ropes that thin. Didn’t work out so well for me. What if you’re wrong, and she doesn’t feel the same?”

“Then that’s her choice,” Steve said. He rubbed his hands over each other slowly. “And I’ll leave.”

“And come back here?” Bucky asked, already knowing the answer.

Sure enough, Steve shook his head. “I’m thinking Berkley. Too many people might recognize me in New York. Berkley’s a university town. Good weather, good food. Good arts scene, or it will have one eventually. The ocean and forests for when I want to be alone.”

“You could start the surfer dude ascethic,” Bucky put in.

They grinned together for a moment, and for a moment everything was alright. It was just the two of them joking around.

Then Steve’s face fell. “I’m tired, Buck,” he said, rubbing his face again. “If I’m here, I’ll never be able to rest. There will always be another crisis. Maybe not today, or tomorrow. But in six months or a year it’ll be strap on the shield and save the world time again. We both know it.”

“There are crises back in the 1940’s too, Steve,” Bucky said, trying to keep his voice level.

“But it turns out alright,” Steve replied. “Everything turns out alright. Here, now. Thanos. We win. We save the universe. And it would be so easy for us to fail. If I save you early, if I expose Hydra in the seventies, if I save Janet Van Dyne, I risk spinning the future into something where Thanos wins. And I won’t do that.”

Bucky looked him straight in the eye. “And you really think by clinging to that you’ll be able to keep out of sixty years of crises, sixty years of people needing help? You, Steve?”

“I do,” Steve said, his voice rock steady. He smiled slightly. “I have to.”

The corner of Bucky’s lips curled slightly. “I hope you and Peggy have the life you’re hoping for. She’d be much better at restraining your need to right every wrong than you would.”

“I know.” Steve chuckled. “If I’m in Berkeley I’ll probably end up fighting Hell’s Angels to protect the hippies. Even though I’d be, what? In my fifties?” He shook his head and smiled. “There’s something to look forward to.”

Bucky smiled. When Steve noticed, he cocked his head. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re thinking about the future. You haven’t done that since we left the forties.” He nodded. “Alright. I knew you were planning something. But you’ve proven you’ve given more thought to it than your usual ‘run straight at it and hit it a bunch of times Steve Rogers plan.’ So I’ll allow it.”

He pushed himself to his feet. “But I’m going to miss you, Steve.”

“Come back with me.” Steve rose, meeting Bucky’s gaze. “I’m in the ice and you’re in cryo. There’s no reason we can’t both live our lives. I know for a fact that time doesn’t care if there are two of you in the same place.”

“You haven’t told the others what you’re doing,” Bucky said. “Don’t you think they’ll get suspicious if the only two guys out of time start strapping on suits?”

Steve shrugged. “Nat would have. And maybe Tony. But…” He spread his hands. Bucky nodded, and they stared at each other in silence.

After a moment Steve shook himself. “I wouldn’t even have to lie. Most of the Infinity Stones will be easy to return, but Loki escaped with the Tesseract. God only knows where he is now. I hope the Ancient One can help. We only beat Loki the first time because he wanted us to. Now, even with Mjolnir, well…” Steve shrugged. “I wouldn’t object to having a second super soldier to help.”

Bucky shook his head. “No.”

“Why?”

The Winter Soldier sighed. “Because it wouldn’t be right. For me.” He rolled his left arm. “And not just because I’m worried someone might see this once we get back to the forties. You said that things worked out alright eventually. That’s true. But an awful lot went wrong, too. I caused a lot it. I can’t fix it if I go back. If I stay here, I can at least help make sure things like that don’t happen again.”

His vision was starting to waver and Bucky blinked quickly. “Besides,” he said, trying for a bit of levity, “The Avengers have always had a crazy guy from the forties. And they’ve done pretty well. We shouldn’t break the pattern.”

“Alright Buck.” Steve stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. Bucky hugged back hard, clapping Steve on the back. “I’m going to miss you, too. We’ve been with each other to the end of the line.”

“I know,” Bucky said, fighting back tears. “But the line ends. And it looks like this is ours. So live your life as best you can. And don’t screw up the timeline too much.”

“I will.” They drew back enough to look at each other. “Keep an eye on Sam, will you? He’ll need you.”

Bucky smiled. “Going to give him the shield? Good. Of course, you’ll only have seventy years to find someone to make you a new one.”

“Shuri can help,” Steve said. He was smiling too. “The world doesn’t need Steve Rogers. But it still needs Captain America.”

“Then let’s get you on your way,” Bucky said. “I think I hear a train whistle.”

Arms around each others’ shoulders, they turned and headed for the door. As they stepped outside, Steve flicked off the light.


End file.
